


Who are you in love with?

by lologoblens



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018), she - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-07
Updated: 2020-06-07
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:09:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24580591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lologoblens/pseuds/lologoblens
Summary: Catra's newly come out and is resigned to pine for her best friend for however long it takes to get over her. Meanwhile Adora is doing some processing around her own sexuality.
Relationships: Adora & Catra (She-Ra), Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Comments: 35
Kudos: 412





	1. Catra

“Adora, I’m gay.” It’s so quiet she wouldn’t be surprised if Adora didn’t even hear her. But the room is quiet too, they’ve been studying since they got to Adora’s place over an hour ago. She knows Adora heard her though, when the scratching of her pencil on paper stops abruptly.

Adora is sitting perpendicular to Catra, leaned up against her bed with her notebook balanced on her knees and her textbook laid beside her. By contrast Catra flopped down to her belly on the soft purple rug the minute they walked in the door before demanding Adora go forage for snacks. She hasn’t moved from the position since then. She does now though, sitting up to mirror Adora’s position just with nothing to support her back, hugging her knees protectively and inspecting the tear on the knee of her black jeans. She feels uncharacteristically small and vulnerable, stripped of her brash attitude and smug self-confidence.

She’s been struggling for weeks trying to figure out how to tell her best friend. She could lie to herself, well she fucking tried to lie to herself, about why she’s so damn terrified to tell Adora but she knows. Somewhere in her subconscious she’s sure she’s known forever. After all it’s not like she has any doubt that Adora will love her just the same after revealing this part of herself. Therein lies the problem however, Adora will love her just the same and that’s not really how she wants to be loved by Adora anymore.

“I- how di-did you…” Adora sighs, clearly struggling to find the right words. That’s Adora, always struggling so hard to do the right thing, to make sure everyone is happy. It’s obnoxious and fucking charming as all hell, all at once. “Thank you for trusting me enough to share this part of yourself with me Catra.”

When Catra looks up and makes eye contact Adora pushes her shit to the side and inclines he head toward the spot next to her. Catra moves because, as tortuous as the casual physical intimacy of their relationship has become, she finds comfort in the touch of her best friend. Resting her head in the crook of Adora’s neck is familiar and warm. “Thanks.” Catra also doesn’t know what to say here, not really.

Adora hums and Catra feels it reverberate through her own body. “Do you want to talk about it or…” Catra just shrugs. What else is she supposed to say? One load off her chest feels like enough for today and it’s not like there’d be any fucking point to telling her straight best friend that her feelings have evolved from ‘I love you like a gal pal’ to ‘I love you like a lover and hey can I kiss you please?’ “You don’t have to but…we can. Now or later, I’m always here for you. Do you want to talk about like, how you figured it out or like how you’re feeling or…? Are you ready to be out or is this just between us for now?”

Catra sighs, she doesn’t totally want to hash this all out, but did she really expect Adora not to ask? Isn’t this kind of why she wanted to tell Adora, to have someone to spill out all the shit cycling through her mind to? “I dunno, I just…we never talk about guys.”

“R-right.” Adora’s got a weird look on her face with that. Shit, did she want to be talking about guys? Catra is so not up for that shit. Nah, Adora’s not the type to have something on her mind and not spill her fucking guts the moment she and Catra have some privacy. Must be because there’s literally no fucking way to know where Catra’s going with this. Why did she start here?

“I just, I mean you and I…we never have. But like, I’ve been hanging out with those girls for that science project and it’s like…most of what they want to talk about. And one of them asked who I liked. Like I automatically must be obsessed with some fucking guy, which ew, gross, pass.” Adora snorts “So I was all ‘ew, gross, fucking pass’ but they like fucking insisted there must be someone I was into and started asking all these questions…” 

Catra gets lost in remembering Lonnie grilling her, ‘You’re seriously telling me not one guy here gives you butterflies? Or like, looks at you and you start tripping over your words? Or you’re just like...I dunno, into? Not even a celebrity?’ and her scoff and response of, ‘yeah, right like some idiot douche from school is gonna undermine my ability to function. And celebrities are dumb.’ Lonnie left her alone after that but she and Mermista kept gabbing about guys as they worked. Which was honestly good because Catra…Catra was officially trapped in her head thinking about the questions Lonnie had posed.

Adora’s a good listener and just sits, waiting for Catra to find her voice again, slowly stroking her arm up and down. It’s fucking mesmerizing and tethers Catra to the earth and she can’t decide if she loves it or fucking loathes it. “Anyway, they were asking me all these questions and talking about like…how a crush on a guy feels. And I realized I’m a fucking idiot.”

“Hey! Don’t talk about my friend Catra like that!” Catra chuckles and ignores that, aside from a gentle elbow in Adora’s ribs.

“I’m a fucking idiot because I’ve never felt that way about a guy but…I’ve felt that about girls. It just never occurred to me that might make me, y’know…”

“Gay.”

“Well…yeah.” Catra shrugs and the two sit in silence for a while, each lost in their own thoughts. Adora’s hand still tracing patterns on her arm.

Adora’s voice breaks the silence, her voice is unsure like she’s not sure if she should say what she’s about to. “I…you said you’ve felt that way about girls.” Catra’s face is on fire, she wonders if the flames might engulf her before she has to carry on with this line of conversation. At fucking least they’re not facing each other, it’s harder to lie to Adora when she can see her face. After all these years of friendship Adora knows all of her tells. Instead she just studies the stupid horse poster Adora hung on the wall when they were like, fucking eleven. Catra’s pretty sure Adora’s never even ridden a horse. She’s also pretty fucking certain Adora would die to. How did Catra fall for a fucking horse girl again? “I mean I was just wondering, is there…is there someone? Who you like I mean?”

Catra has to clear her throat a couple times before words will come out, and even when they do her voice is distorted. “Like…you mean besides Uma Thurman?”

They both laugh and Catra’s shoulders sag with relief, and maybe, maybe just a hint of disappointment. The tension is lifted, and Catra directs them back to their work before Adora can ask any more. Catra focuses so hard on her own work, avoiding any awkwardness that may linger, that she misses the fact that Adora doesn’t pull her text book back toward herself. She’s too busy studying Catra.

It’s been about a month since Catra came out to Adora and slowly she’s told pretty much everyone else. She was most worried about how her Aunt Carmen would react, she’s lived with her since she was a toddler and they’re close as fuck. Like, besides Adora, Carmen is her best friend. She came out at dinner. Adora came for moral support and let Catra nearly break her hand with the death grip she had on her with her own sweaty hand. Her aunt just took it all in stride and, based on the smirk she let slip Catra thinks maybe Carmen knew before she did. Not that she’d fucking ask. She did embarrass the ever-loving shit out of Catra when she made a comment about what a cute couple Catra and Adora made. Luckily while Catra blushed and hissed and spat out that was not the situation at all, Adora just laughed, a light blush spreading over her own cheeks.

So, everything was...fucking fine really, unrequited love for her lifelong best friend notwithstanding. Everyone at school seemed to expect her to fucking gay it up with someone right away but how was fucking beyond her. There was only one other out lesbian at their school, and she was a fucking freshman. Catra was so not desperate enough to date someone four years her junior. 

Currently she was sitting in the passenger seat of Adora’s car, they’d parked at the beach with burgers and shit. Adora called it a ‘car picnic’, the charming, nerdy idiot. Adora wanted to go to the beach so bad after school and they’d bickered about whether or not it was too cold. When the rain started Catra won easily but Adora used the fucking puppy eyes to make this compromise happen. Whatever, at least the heat in her car worked. Catra toed off her shoes and went to put her feet on the dash.

Adora looked up from the bag of food and frowned at her. “Hey! What are you doing? You know the rules!”

“Uhm, I’m pretty sure you said no shoes on Swift Wind’s dash, am I wearing shoes Adora?” Catra smirked, she knew she’d win by a technicality. Also, because she’d used the car’s stupid name. She laughed so hard when Adora ‘introduced’ him, she told her it was a dumb fucking name but Adora had pouted. ‘Well I was saving it for my future Pegasus’ Catra had snorted ‘but I figured…cars have horse power so like…close enough?’ Another snort and a noogie and Catra had dropped it.

“Ugh, fine I’ll let you off on a technicality but I’m not sure what makes you think I want to smell your stinky feet while I’m eating. You’ve been wearing combat boots all day Catra!” Adora rolled her eyes but showed the bag minus her own food toward Catra, nevertheless. 

They were both munching happily, watching the rain spatter the windows when Adora cleared her throat. It was that awkward clearing sound that meant she was about to say something she was anxious about so Catra crossed her legs in her seat and angled toward her as much as she could in the cramped car.

“So, I wanted to ask you something.” Adora was staring out the front window toward the water, unseeing.

“Uh-huh, I figured. Shoot.” 

“A, uh, like a lesbian thing.” More throat clearing.

Catra laughed but sobered somewhat when she saw Adora looked disgruntled at that. “Sorry, sorry I just…what does that mean, a ‘lesbian thing’? Oh shit, please don’t ask me about scissoring! You know that’s not really a thing, right?”

Adora was flushing a deep read now and finally turned to Catra with an indignant look before returning her gaze to the beach. “That’s not- I’m- no! I mean yes, I know that’s not a- I’m not asking you about gay- gay- ugh I’m not asking you about…sex Catra! Jeez!”

“Okay, okay! Sorry, I’m just giving you shit! Ask away, young padawan and I will do what I can to share with you my knowledge of the sapphic world.” Catra gave her a solemn look.

“Jeez, you came out and really went full on lesbian, you know that?”

“I’ll take that as a compliment, thank you.”

“Whatever, I mean sure, you’re welcome. What I wanted to ask is about…um-ugh! I don’t know how to ask what I’m asking!” Adora turned to her with a pout.

Catra, realizing just how real Adora’s stress was sobered up fully and for real this time. She reached a hand across the center console and rested it on Adora’s knee. “Hey, it’s just me Adora. I’m not sure if you’re worried your gonna like, fucking offend me or like embarrass yourself or something but…it’s just me and you won’t. So just…say what you’ve got to say, and we can make sense of it together.”

Adora sighed and took in a deep breath as if to steel herself and looked forward again. “Okay…right. So, when-when Lonnie was asking you those questions, about liking guys or whatever…what did-what did she ask?”

So not where Catra thought this was going, but all fucking right. “Uhm, fuck I dunno. Like…she asked me if any guys gave me butterflies, or like if they ever um, looked at me and I couldn’t talk. There was also some vague shit about just being ‘into’ someone or whatever.” Adora hummed thoughtfully, still staring at nothing. “Adora why are…why are you asking me this? Do you like…like someone?” Please say no, please say no, please for fuck’s sake do not break my heart here in this car and just say no.

“I’m not-I don’t…I’m not even sure how I feel Catra but I just…” She sighed again. “When you said…you told me you felt that way about girls.” Fuck why did Adora look fucking…teary? What the fuck was going on here? “You said, you told me like…Uma Thurman?”

“Um, I mean sure Adora, she’s fucking hot.”

“Okay but like…have you ever felt that way about someone that you…you know? Like for real, in real life?” Catra frowned and turned forward in her seat, now also staring at noting, or the beach or…anywhere but inside this car. And in turn Adora twisted as much as she could with the steering wheel blocking her way to stare at Catra.

She couldn’t lie, not when Adora was being so fucking…vulnerable and emotional. Catra just wished she knew what Adora was getting at! It was fine though, Catra could be honest about this without being honest about everything, about the Adora of it all. “I have.”

“Uhm, can I ask who?”

Catra started feeling trapped and agitated. She knew Adora would probably ask someday, at some point. She had just wished and prayed it would be after she figured out how to get over her, when she had some hot college girlfriend and they could laugh about what an idiot she’d been having a straight-girl crush on her best friend. She wasn’t so lucky apparently. “I don’t- I’m not…What are you asking me this Adora? It’s…it’s fucking embarrassing.”

“Why is it embarrassing?” Catra chanced a glance over at Adora, yeah, she was definitely fucking misty eyed now.

Catra let out some kind of noise that was part grunt, part sigh, part heartbreak. “Because Adora, I’m a dysfunctional, idiot fucking lesbian who’s developed feelings for someone who plays for the wrong fucking team. And it’s fucking awful because I knew, I knew even while I felt it all happening that I was gonna get my heart fucking broken and it happened anyway because-because love is fucking stupid.”

Adora let out a small gasp, but Catra didn’t look over this time, because now she was the dummy crying. “Oh.”

“Yeah, fucking ‘oh’.”

“I just mean…you’re in love.” Catra froze, she definitely had not meant to say that. She shrugged.

“I guess. Adora, can you please just tell me what all of this is about? I’m not-I don’t fully fucking appreciate laying my heart bare in this damn car without knowing why.”

“Um, right, that’s fair. I’m sorry Catra.” She was quiet for a minute and just when Catra started to think there was nothing else coming, “I’ve just…I’ve been thinking.”

“Uh-huh”

“We never talk about guys.” Catra startles, what? She looks into Adora’s eyes, she sees her own heartbreak reflected there and…this couldn’t possibly be what…what she wants it to be? “And um…I just always thought, I figured dating in high school wasn’t like in the cards for me or whatever. I wasn’t really into it. Cause um, I mean what do I want to spend my free time with some stinky dude for whe-when I could be, when I could be hanging out with my best friend instead.” Okay forget fucking misty eyed, Adora is straight up crying but Catra is too frozen in place to comfort her. “And I-I mean…that’s pretty gay, right?” Catra is aware, vaguely, of nodding slowly. Other than that, they just keep…staring at each other for what feels like, forever. “Catra?”

“Ye-Yeah?” It’s less talking, and more a breath that sounds distantly like words, like her own voice carried away by wind.

“Ca-Catra wh-who are you in l-lo-love with?” Catra thinks, by Adora’s expression that there must be only one right answer in the world. She hopes it’s the honest one.

“Adora,” The name feels like rose petals on her tongue. It’s soft and honey sweet, it’s all her love allowed to be expressed for the first time. “I love you, Adora. I’m in love with you Adora.”

Adora’s silent tears turn into sobbing and she throws herself over the center console and clings to Catra. It’s not a kiss, but it’s just as satisfying as she imagines kissing Adora could be. They’re hugging and in that hug Catra feels…everything. They stay in that position until they can’t, until muscles start to cramp, and tears begin to run dry.

“I’m in love with you Carta.” Adora is smiling and biting her lip. “And gay, also. I’m not sure if I was supposed to come out first or…”

Catra laughs, “You dope! It doesn’t matter, all that fucking matters is…is y-you love me.”

“I’m in love with you, to be precise.” How can she sound so smug when she was sobbing like, one fucking minute ago? Whatever, she’s so fucking hot. Catra can’t believe how safe it feels to think about Adora this way now. Hot, sexy, stunning, charming Adora. Who is in love with her. And gay.

“I can’t believe, I never expected…I just thought I was gonna carry this forever…all by myself.” A few more tears drip from her eyes and Adora leans over to wipe them away, she doesn’t pull them away. Catra reaches up and holds them there, against her cheeks and nuzzles into one side.

“I’m so sorry you hurt that way Catra, thank you for waiting for me to catch up to you.” She has a sweet half smile on her face she looks…she looks just like she really adores and treasures Catra. Catra never dreamed what it would feel like to be looked at in that way.

“Well worth the wait.” Catra closes her eyes and breathes in this moment.

“Catra?”

“Hmm?”

“Catra…can I…may I kiss you?”

Catra’s eyes pop open and she holds Adora’s gaze for a moment before she lets a smirk slip out. “You fucking better.”

As soon as Adora’s lips press to hers she sighs into the kiss and thinks, ‘oh yeah, well worth waiting for.’ And then she thinks nothing at all, completely consumed by Adora, and by their mutual love.

They spend the rest of the time they have before Adora’s curfew with Catra’s head in that familiar, warm spot in Adora’s neck, occasionally turning to kiss the spot where neck meets jawbone, both staring at the rain, the beach and nothing at all, breathing in this moment.


	2. Adora

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catra is out and Adora...is so confused.

“I’m literally starving to death.” Adora has yet to meet anyone with the same flair for theatricality as her best friend.

“Uh-huh, I’m sure. So then why did you bypass the kitchen to come flop on my floor then?”

Catra rolls from her belly to her side, one hand on her hip, the other propping up her head, and smirks at Adora. Adora stares at the familiar expression just a beat too long, at Catra’s lips for just a beat too long. It keeps happening, Catra smiles or laughs or talks or eats a fucking grape that one time, and all of Adora’s mental faculties screech to a halt. Has Catra noticed? Seems like something she’d tease her for if she had. Maybe she’s noticed and thinks it means what Adora won’t let herself think it means and she is taking pity on Adora by not mentioning it? Or, more likely, just doesn’t want to let that door open because it’s weird and confusing and... oh shoot! Catra’s talking, what is Catra saying?

“…just assumed since you such a good and generous fucking hostess, it would be your honor to provide you guest with snacks, so she doesn’t perish here on your rug.”

Adora snorts, why does she feel self-conscious when she does that in front of Catra? Catra has seen her chug a blue icee and then loose it all down her white tee in front of the gas station. They weren’t even kids, that was like…last summer. “I hardly think you count as a guest anymore Catra. My parents put you in the Christmas card and family newsletter last year.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Catra waves this logic away as if it is just smoke and smog in the way of what she wants, and she can simply clear it away with her hand and a bit of wind. “I still want snacks.”

“Whatever, do you have specific requests oh fair and honorable guest?” Adora gives an exaggerated bow, Catra rolls her eyes but Adora knows she likes it when she plays along. Also, flattery, Catra responds very well to flattery.

“Yeah, don’t bring me anything gross.”

“Like generally speaking or are you gonna get mad if I bring- “

“Adora if you put fig newtons in front of me, I swear to all that is holy, I truly will shit a brick.”

“Okay, gross. Also, rude! I like fig newtons.” Adora pouts but she doesn’t really care. She’ll bring a few up for herself anyway, it’ll give Catra something to hassle her about. Another thing Catra likes, gosh how much time does Adora spend thinking about how to cater to Catra, about what makes her happy, what will make her smirk that stupid smirk at her again? Apparently Adora really is the consummate host, born to make Emily Post proud, even for Catra who half-lives here. 

She comes back with apples and peanut butter, and Ritz with melted cheese, Catra’s favorites. Duh. When she walks in Catra lets out a luxurious sigh and a lazy grin. “Damn such service in this place! I fucking love when you melt the cheese on, you’re the fucking best Adora.”

Adora tosses her hair over her shoulders and unnecessarily brushes them off. “Oh, you know, no big.” Then she settles in and sets to work, she has enough math homework to take her a whole darn year. Catra settles in also, snacking away. In theory she’s doing work but as far as Adora can tell she’s working on sketches of horses. Catra (claims) to ‘fucking hate horses, we have cars now so they’re basically an obsolete means of travel. Can we just set them all free already, so they can like, fucking frolic or whatever, away from the humans?’, so Adora knows it’ll be for her. She chooses not to analyze how completely and incandescently happy that makes her.

“Adora, I’m gay.” They’ve been working away quietly for about an hour now, it’s quiet in the room but Catra is very nearly quieter. Adora almost wonders if she was meant to hear it or if Catra is just testing out the words, deciding if she truly wants to unleash this truth to the world.

Either way Adora’s heard it, and she can hear also the exposed, vulnerable note to Catra’s voice. She knows it’s important that she choose her next words wisely. She would literally never forgive herself if she made coming out a painful experience for Catra. “I- how di-did you…” Adora sighs, struggling with the right thing to say, and everything she wants to ask. How did you know? When did you figure this out? Was it as confusing for you as it-? Adora! Focus, this is about Catra right now. Unpack your shit on your own time! Be genuine, be honest, be kind. “Thank you for trusting me enough to share this part of yourself with me Catra.” 

Adora waits for a response and after a few moments Catra finally makes eye contact. Adora feels instantly more relaxed but would feel even better if Catra wasn’t so far away. She pushes all of her school things to the side and tries to indicate that she’s created space for Catra there. Her friend skootches over and lies her head on Adora’s shoulder. It’s a familiar position for the pair and Adora thinks to herself, as she has many times before, that when they are together like this, she feels like a puzzle piece that’s sliding into place. Like her shoulder never really knew what it was for until Cara lay her head there. “Thanks.” Catra whispers softly. 

Adora hums in response, barely feeling deserving of Catra’s gratitude. Being gracious here is truly the least she can do. “Do you want to talk about it or…” She feels Catra shrug against her. She doesn’t want to push her, but she knows, if Catra’s brought this to her, it means she’s probably sat with it for weeks, and is ready to talk. “You don’t have to but…we can. Now or later, I’m always here for you. Do you want to talk about like, how you figured it out or like how you’re feeling or…? Are you ready to be out or is this just between us for now?” Jeez Adora, don’t overwhelm her! One thing at a time….

Catra sighs, it almost sounds resigned. “I dunno, I just…we never talk about guys.”

“R-right.” This isn’t untrue Adora supposes, it’s just not the response she was expecting. And guys…should she want to talk about guys? She’s straight…probably…maybe, she’s never totally though about it but she’s also never thought about being gay so like…is she straight by default? That seems unnecessarily heteronormative. Where did that thought even come from? 

Guys…she supposes that would be considered normal girl talk, her other friends often gab about whatever guy they’re into and hoping will ask them out. Adora doesn’t not participate when it comes up, but she usually just offers support and advice and evades when anyone turns their questions to her. They’ve long since accepted that Adora is just shy about guys. She’s just shy and straight…probably. And also, can’t think of a single guy she really cares to talk about, so...it’s a moot point.

“I just, I mean you and I…we never have. But like, I’ve been hanging out with those girls for that science project and it’s like…most of what they want to talk about. And one of them asked who I liked. Like I automatically must be obsessed with some fucking guy, which ew, gross, pass.” Adora snorts, why is Catra so effortlessly funny? “So, I was all ‘ew, gross, fucking pass’ but they like fucking insisted there must be someone I was into and started asking all these questions…” 

Catra is clearly lost in thought and Adora waits patiently for her to come back to her thought. She wraps an arm over Catra’s shoulders as if to anchor her in this reality and loses herself in tracing idle patterns along Catra’s arm. “Anyway, they were asking me all these questions and talking about like…how a crush on a guy feels. And I realized I’m a fucking idiot.”

“Hey! Don’t talk about my friend Catra like that!” Catra chuckles and ignores the sentiment, aside from a gentle elbow in Adora’s ribs. Gosh, so rude, she meant it!

“I’m a fucking idiot because I’ve never felt that way about a guy but…I’ve felt that about girls. It just never occurred to me that might make me, y’know…” Adora does know.

“Gay.”

“Well…yeah.” Catra shrugs and falls silent. They sit quietly for a while, each lost in thought. Catra has trusted her with this huge, earth shattering truth. Adora is so proud of the trust they have built. That isn’t where her mind lingers though ‘but…I’ve felt that about girls’. Felt that way about girls, about girls, as in girls plural? Which girls? Why does Adora want to know so bad? Is she just being gossipy? Is it so wrong that Adora feel curious about who her best friend might be into? That’s normal right? Adora has no stake in who her best friend might be thinking about kissing. Or not kissing, not like more than kissing though! Not that there’s anything wrong with more than kissing. Catra has every right to want to sleep with- okay!

Adora, unable and unwilling to spend another moment trapped in her own head, breaks the silence. “I…you said you’ve felt that way about girls.” Catra doesn’t immediately say anything and Adora is pretty sure she can feel her face getting warmer. She should have minded her own business. Feeling uncomfortable asking the question but knowing she’s already started and there’s no stopping now, she stares ahead at the poster of Horsey. She hung it up when she was about eleven, Catra gave her so much trouble about it and how she’d never even ridden a horse so how could she be so obsessed, she didn’t admit that she had named him too. “I mean I was just wondering, is there…is there someone? Who you like I mean?”

Catra clears her throat a couple times and when she speaks her voice is kind of gravelly still. “Like…you mean besides Uma Thurman?”

They both laugh and Adora’s shoulders sag with relief, and maybe, maybe just a hint of disappointment. The room feels lese tense and as much as Adora wants to ask more questions she takes the hint when Catra directs them back to their studying. Catra gets right to work and doesn’t look up again for a solid twenty minutes, which gives Adora the chance to just…watch her for a minute, unguarded. 

Catra is gay. It’s significant in its own right but Adora can’t totally ignore the odd pulling sensation the idea stirs in her belly, even if she doesn’t really know what it means. 

It’s been about a month since Catra came out to Adora everyone knows now. Catra is so brave, it was like once she said it out loud once she was ready to just rip the band aid off all at once and tell anyone and everyone. Adora knows the only person she was truly worried about was her Aunt Carmen, they’ve always been so close. Adora and Catra talked about it a lot and Catra said she felt sure there was nothing to worry about, but she still asked Adora to come over for dinner to act as moral support. Naturally Carmen took it totally in stride, just letting slip a smirk eerily reminiscent of the one Catra often wore which Adora knew by heart.

Then she glanced between the two of them and with a chuckle said, “I’m so glad the two of you have sorted out your feelings finally as well. You’ve always been so sweet together; you make a darling couple. Oh, Adora dear did you need another roll?”

Occasionally Catra’s explosive reactions to upset and embarrassment overwhelm Adora, but on that night she is grateful for it. While Catra sputters and hisses, “Carmen! You know it’s not even- Adora doesn’t- I’m the one who’s gay Aunt Carmen! Could you like be fucking cool for half a second and…”

Adora is only half listening, distracted by the pit that forms in her stomach at Catra’s immediate dismissal that there could ever, possibly be something between them. Rejection hurts no matter what right? Like, even if you don’t want something it’s okay to want to be wanted? Because Adora doesn’t want Catra, not like- not like that, right? Because that would make her…

Catra is slowly simmering down as she’s let off most of her steam, “…for fuck’s sake Carmen am I not gonna be able to bring any girl over here anymore without you jumping to dumb ass conclusions?” Carmen isn’t paying much mind to Catra though, she’s caught Adora’s eye and just gives her this look, with a single raised eyebrow. It looks just like the face Catra gives her when she’s challenging her. It looks like she’s trying to let her in on a secret, if she’s up to the challenge of admitting it to herself.

Adora’s driven Catra and herself to the beach for a little car picnic. She really wanted to go to the beach after school, it’s where she thinks best and feels the freest. When Catra argued that it was ‘colder than a witches’ wrinkly tit Adora, I’m not sitting on the beach in the middle of winter!’ Adora had tried to argue. Then it had started raining because apparently even mother nature wants Catra to have anything and everything that could possibly maybe ever make her happy. Adora isn’t one to totally give up easy though and had pleaded and pouted until Catra agreed to this arrangement, on the condition that Adora feed her. Catra toed off her shoes and went to put her feet on the dash.

Adora looked up from where she was digging around for her meal and frowned. Okay, she might maybe…possibly be gay and in love with Catra (like maybe, but she was probably straight…. It is exponentially less convincing in her own head every time she says it now, and she’s lost count of how many times she’s had the thought just since Catra came out a month ago.) but she loved Swift Wind too, he was her baby! “Hey! What are you doing? You know the rules!”

“Uhm, I’m pretty sure you said no shoes on Swift Wind’s dash, am I wearing shoes Adora?” Catra smirked, like knew she’d win on a technicality. Adora was touched that at least she’d gotten Swift Wind’s name right. She laughed so hard when Adora introduced them to each other, she had said it was ‘a dumb fucking name’ but Adora stood by it. Eventually she had dropped her teasing, but she still only used the name like, half the time.

“Ugh, fine I’ll let you off on a technicality but I’m not sure what makes you think I want to smell your stinky feet while I’m eating. You’ve been wearing combat boots all day Catra!” Adora rolled her eyes and shoved the bag of food minus her own food toward Catra. 

Catra was munching away happily, watching the rain fall against the windows in steady drips. Adora was eating too but she could barely taste it. She had a lot on her mind and when she and Catra had a little privacy she had trouble keeping her thoughts to herself. The last month had been rough to say the least, but it had felt like there was so much on the line this time. But she had finally admitted to herself that she wasn’t going to be able to process this without Catra, hence; the beach. She cleared her throat, trying to make sure the words would come forth when she reached for them and Catra crossed her legs in her seat and angled toward her as much as she could in the cramped car.

“So, I wanted to ask you something.” Adora stared out at the rain, avoiding Catra’s gaze that said, ‘you have my full attention, I’m listening’.

“Uh-huh, I figured. Shoot.” 

“A, uh, like a lesbian thing.” Did her voice sound weird? She cleared her throat again.

Catra laughed which made Adora scowl, how could she make her realize how serious this felt? Why did this feel so hard? Catra saw her expression and sobered somewhat. “Sorry, sorry I just…what does that mean, a ‘lesbian thing’? Oh shit, please don’t ask me about scissoring! You know that’s not really a thing, right?”

Adora went immediately red. Catra could not be talking to Adora about sex right now, even if it was a joke sex act. If she did Adora would start thinking about…and no, Adora had been trying really hard to not think about sex…with Catra. Why did that make her feel more turned on than anything else ever had? She looked over at Catra for a second, sure her panic was present in her eyes. “That’s not- I’m- no! I mean yes, I know that’s not a- I’m not asking you about gay- gay- ugh I’m not asking you about…sex Catra! Jeez!”

“Okay, okay! Sorry, I’m just giving you shit! Ask away, young padawan and I will do what I can to share with you my knowledge of the sapphic world.” Catra gave her a solemn look.

“Jeez, you came out and really went full on lesbian, you know that?” Don’t focus on Catra saying the word ‘sapphic’ Adora, so not that big of a deal!

“I’ll take that as a compliment, thank you.”

“Whatever, I mean sure, you’re welcome. What I wanted to ask is about…um-ugh! I don’t know how to ask what I’m asking!” Adora knew she was pouting, but this was really hard! Especially because it was never hard to talk to Catra, about anything. It felt wrong to feel so nervous with her best friend.

Catra seemed to realize then the severity of Adora’s stress and sobered up fully and for real this time. She reached a hand across the center console and rested it on Adora’s knee. It was definitely supposed to be comforting. So why was Adora so fixated on the heat of Catra’s hand through the denim of her pants? Why did it feel less comforting, and more distracting? “Hey, it’s just me Adora. I’m not sure if you’re worried your gonna like, fucking offend me or like embarrass yourself or something but…it’s just me and you won’t. So just…say what you’ve got to say, and we can make sense of it together.”

Adora sighed and took in a deep breath to steel herself and looked out the wind shield. Right, no matter what, it’s just Catra, and Catra had never let Adora down before. “Okay…right. So, when-when Lonnie was asking you those questions, about liking guys or whatever…what did-what did she ask?” That seemed like a good place to start. If the questions had helped Catra figure out her sexuality, maybe they could help Adora too.

“Uhm, fuck I dunno. Like…she asked me if any guys gave me butterflies, or like if they ever um, looked at me and I couldn’t talk. There was also some vague shit about just being ‘into’ someone or whatever.” Adora hummed, okay so that really resonated. She had butterflies right fucking now, thanks for that Catra, that’s really making this conversation easier. How many times had Adora gotten too distracted by the way Catra’s mouth was moving to hear her words? Enough for Adora to know the actual number would be truly humiliating. “Adora why are…why are you asking me this? Do you like…like someone?” Wasn’t that just the million-dollar question.

“I’m not-I don’t…I’m not even sure how I feel Catra but I just…” She sighed again. “When you said…you told me you felt that way about girls.” Aw man, now she was getting emotional. “You said, you told me like…Uma Thurman?” Never in a million years did Adora imagine sitting in her car crying while saying Uma Thurman’s name. 

“Um, I mean sure Adora, she’s fucking hot.” Okay, maybe, in the context of this conversation, Adora could admit that what she felt was a twinge of jealousy at that response. Truly, Uma Thurman is hot but…maybe…probably Adora would rather have heard Catra say she’s hot, as in her, Adora. Maybe…probably…not the point.

“Okay but like…have you ever felt that way about someone that you…you know? Like for real, in real life?” Alright, really just went right there Adora, ask the question that could make or break your heart. Clearly, she was gay, that’s just…she’d done enough unpacking to get there. Honestly, she had her best friend in her car and was crying because she was desperate to hear Catra say she was in love with her. Definitely gay, maybe…probably in love with her best friend. Just the cherry on top here. Catra frowned and turned forward in her seat, staring at…nothing. Knowing she could look at her without getting trapped in her eyes, (ugh so beautiful; golden, like a field of wheat dancing in the wind, and blue, vast as the ocean before them, the best of both worlds in one perfect face) Adora twisted as much as she could with the steering wheel blocking her way to stare at Catra.

“I have.”

“Uhm, can I ask who?” Please say me, please say me, please, make my heart whole and say me.

Catra looked agitated and Adora knew she wasn’t being totally fair, putting her on the spot like this. “I don’t- I’m not…What are you asking me this Adora? It’s…it’s fucking embarrassing.”

“Why is it embarrassing?” Is it because it’s me, it’s me and I’m…here? Basically begging you to love me. 

Catra groaned, clearly frustrated with her. She’d have to be sorry later, right now she was too caught up in her own desperation. “Because Adora, I’m a dysfunctional, idiot fucking lesbian who’s developed feelings for someone who plays for the wrong fucking team. And it’s fucking awful because I knew, I knew even while I felt it all happening that I was gonna get my heart fucking broken and it happened anyway because-because love is fucking stupid.”

Adora didn’t mean to but she let out a small gasp, “Oh.” So, this wasn’t just a crush. Which meant if these feelings Catra had really weren’t for Adora, were for someone else, it really could crush Adora under the weight of her heart break.

“Yeah, fucking ‘oh’.”

“I just mean…you’re in love.” Catra froze probably having revealed more than she meant and shrugged as she thawed.

“I guess. Adora, can you please just tell me what all of this is about? I’m not-I don’t fully fucking appreciate laying my heart bare in this damn car without knowing why.”

“Um, right, that’s fair. I’m sorry Catra.” She paused, unsure of where to begin, of what to say, of how much to put on the line when there was a very real chance Catra was in love with some other girl. “I’ve just…I’ve been thinking.”

“Uh-huh”

“We never talk about guys.” Catra looked surprised and made eye contact for the first time in a while. She looked like she was searching inside of Adora for something. Could that mean…was there something she was hoping to find? “And um…I just always thought, I figured dating in high school wasn’t like in the cards for me or whatever. I wasn’t really into it. Cause um, I mean what do I want to spend my free time with some stinky dude for whe-when I could be, when I could be hanging out with my best friend instead.” Suffocating under the weight of realizing she was in love with her best friend, while sitting in front of that best friend, Adora began to cry with reckless abandon. “And I-I mean…that’s pretty gay, right?” Catra nods, slowly and then…nothing. Adora wishes with her whole heart for Catra to understand what she’s saying, what Adora’s only truly realized and admitted as they’ve been sitting there. “Catra?”

“Ye-Yeah?” She says it so softly, but even with the sounds of her own crying filling the car, Adora hears her. 

“Ca-Catra wh-who are you in l-lo-love with?” This is it, it’s all on the line. Adora’s left them with nowhere else to go. She swears if Catra says the name of some other girl she will run out into that rain and not stop until she hits the state line. 

“Adora,” Oh, the way Catra says her name, Catra has never made Adora’s name sound like that before, no one ever has. It sounds like sugary sweetness, soft as a cloud. “I love you, Adora. I’m in love with you Adora.”

Adora’s can’t hold her emotions inside of herself any longer and she starts sobbing and throws herself over the center console, clinging to Catra. She wants more, she wants so much more and everything with Catra. For now, though, she thinks about all she can handle is holding Catra in her arms. It feels like everything, the whole universe in the space between them. They stay like that until Catra begins to shift from the discomfort of the position, their tears having slowed to a stop.

“I’m in love with you Carta.” Adora feels so light and joyful being able to say this freely. “And gay, also. I’m not sure if I was supposed to come out first or…”

Catra laughs at her, “You dope! It doesn’t matter, all that fucking matters is…is y-you love me.” Heck yeah, she does!

“I’m in love with you, to be precise.” Madly, passionately, gayly. Wow so…definitely not straight, Adora looks over at Catra and wonders what she was ever thinking. 

“I can’t believe, I never expected…I just thought I was gonna carry this forever…all by myself.” A few more tears drip from her eyes and Adora brushes them away with her finger tips. The motion is so intimate and Catra’s cheeks are so soft, Adora stays in place for a moment, and then Catra reaches up to keep her there even longer. Adora likes that, she likes it very much. She hates, though, the pain in Catra’s voice, hates knowing that the person she is in love with suffered alone.

“I’m so sorry you hurt that way Catra, thank you for waiting for me to catch up to you.” She grins at Catra and it is both love and heartbreak for the last month of struggling both of them went thorough. She focuses on the magic of the woman resting between her palms. 

“Well worth the wait.” Catra closes her eyes and Adora looks at her in awe.

“Catra?” She’s ready now, coming down from the emotional high of their admissions, she is ready to seek out another hit, 

“Hmm?”

“Catra…can I…may I kiss you?”

Catra’s eyes pop open and she holds Adora’s gaze for a moment before she lets that stupid, sexy smirk slip out. Honestly as often as Catra unleashes that smirk on her, she can’t figure how it didn’t feel more obvious how absolutely gay she is for it. “You fucking better.”

Adora wastes no time and soon they are both sighing into the kiss. Adora is reveling in the fireworks show that ignites in her belly, she thinks to herself, she is so grateful they have made it here, however long it took.

They spend the rest of the time they have before Adora’s curfew with Catra’s head in that familiar, warm spot in her neck, occasionally she turns to kiss the spot where neck meets jawbone, setting Adora on fire. They both stare at the rain, the beach and nothing at all, enjoying the fireworks show that ignites between them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this was definitely meant to be a one shot lol, but Adora was nagging in the back of my head for her turn so...ta da!

**Author's Note:**

> Wow I just can't get over these fucking cartoon lesbians. And I love a 'they admit they're in love and we get to assume they're happy forever' fluff fic!


End file.
